


Just For Now

by etonnant67



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band), Kim Jaejoong (Musician), yunho - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 00:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5986542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etonnant67/pseuds/etonnant67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Totally wrote this on a whim. Does anyone even read Yunjae anymore? (I've been in this fandom for too long.) Short one shot about one night.</p>
<p>Lawsuit (or perhaps post lawsuit?) fic. Rated. Major angst. Enjoy and comment please!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just For Now

The knock on Yunho’s door came late on Thursday night. The staccato rap traveled down his foyer to his bedroom where the sound bounced and echoed off the walls of his bedroom. Roused from his almost half sleep, Yunho sat up in bed and pushed the sheets off of his too warm body. Rubbing his hands over his tired face, worn out from too many nights spent lying awake counting and recounting the subtle cracks in his ceiling and too many late nights spent pushing his body beyond its limits in the dance studio hoping that maybe if he moved the right way, or if he gave enough of his blood and sweat back into the wood paneling, then maybe God would accept his penance and fill the three spaces that gaped like open sores when he and Changmin stood on stage. 

The knock reverberated through his apartment again, sounds more and more despondent with each hollow thud. Swinging his feet off the bed, Yunho got up and walked out into his cold hallway, dark in the late night, to open the door. The knocking continued, picking up tempo as if the person on the other side could sense his arrival. 

I fucking bet he can.

Hesitating in front of the front door, Yunho leaned his forehead against the smooth wood and listened to the rhythmic taps, letting them seep into his core and match the rapid beating of his heart.

Placing his hand on the cold, smooth brass of the doorknob, he took two steps back and opened the door.

 

He looked the same as he always did; scuffed black boots, black jeans worn thin at the knees, black hoodie pulled up over his head. He was staring at the floor avoiding Yunho’s unreadable gaze.

“You shouldn’t be here”. Yunho’s voice came out in a raspy whisper, his throat dry from seeing the older man in front of him. “You know that. You shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here.”

Jaejoong shoved past Yunho’s body and pushed his way into the apartment.

“There,” he said. “If I’m inside, then no one can even know that I’m here”. His voice had a rough treble, icy cold, uneven, and dangerous like black ice on dark winter roads.

Shutting the door, Yunho turned around to face the man who had just pushed his way in to his home. Pushed his way back into his life.

“What are you doing here, Jaejoong.” Yunho leaned his shirtless back against the door and crossed his arms over his chest to counteract the chill of the door frame. He took a deep breath and tried to calm the raging rat tat tat of his heart.

Jaejoong pushed his hoodie off of his head and looked Yunho in the eyes. Though always shorter than his former bandmate, the older man had had always carried a thick aura of sensuality and control when he entered a room. With his almost too beautiful features and his easy way of moving and breathing, Kim Jaejoong had always been able to send desire and dismay into those around him. Looking at the Jaejoong draped in black standing in front of him, Yunho had to admit that the man had changed. His face looked thinner, the sharp angles of his cheekbones challenging Yunho from where he stood. The dusty blonde of his hair made his eyes seemed bigger, deeper even. Like they had seen through mist and sandstorms thick enough to make a weaker man lose every part of himself. Jaejoong was still beautiful, but fiercer. But even still there was a painful fragility to his ferocity. A crack in the chain mail armor of his exterior.

Yunho saw it when Jaejoong opened his mouth to respond.

“You know what I’m here for,” he said reverting his gaze back to the floor. “You know why I come here. You know why I keep coming. You know why I can’t stay away.” The ice in his voice creaked then shattered, bringing a wave of emotion rushing into the dark hallway. “I need you, Yunho” he gasped, finally bringing his eyes up to meet Yunho’s. “I need you”.

The pain in Jaejoong’s voice sent a tremor through Yunho’s tired body. He shuddered, gripping his arms tightly around his chest. Moving away from the door, Yunho took two steps towards his hyung until they were just a breath apart.

“You need me”. Yunho kept his voice low, lowering his gaze to meet Jaejoong’s. “You think you fucking need me.” He didn’t mean for the words to come out as vitriolic as they did, but Yunho couldn’t stop the pain, anger, and betrayal from seeping into his voice. “What the fuck does that mean, Jaejoong?” He spat. “What does that mean now? You walked away 6 years ago. You left Min and I here to try to hold threads together. You took the others with you”. He was shouting now, flinging his anger and pain and fatigue at the other man. “You took everything with you! You took Changmin’s smile away. He doesn’t smile like he used to, you know? He doesn’t laugh like he used to. He just tries and tries and fakes it. He keeps at it and keeps at it until he can’t stop. He’ll start laughing and fucking keep at it until he’s gasping for air and there are fucking tears streaming out of his eyes. He’s fucking broken, Jaejoong”. Yunho grabbed Jaejoong by the shoulders and shook him. “He’s fucking broken and this is your fucking fault!” he shouted, “Yours! You broke him, you broke us, you fucking...you fucking broke me”. His voice cracked and quieted. “You broke everything. Broke me and only took a part of me with you.”

Jaejoong stared back at Yunho. Caught in his too tight grip, Jaejoong’s eyes seemed to bore into the darkest parts of Yunho. Those same parts that he and only he had ever really been able to understand. 

“So you can’t fucking come here to my fucking house at fucking 3 in the morning and tell me that you need me”. Yunho was sobbing now, his sorrow manifesting itself in a rough storm moving across his face. “Because you have no fucking clue, how badly I’ve needed you.”

Desperate, Yunho pressed Jaejoong’s body into his bare chest. Holding on to Jaejoong like a drowning man, Yunho breathed in his heady scent of cigarettes,whiskey, and the night air. 

 

“And what makes you think that I don’t feel the same way.”  
Slowly, Jaejoong wound his arms around Yunho’s heaving chest, holding him back just as desperately as Yunho was clinging to him.

“You are everything to me, Yunho. Everything.” Jaejoong spoke into Yunho’s chest, his warm breath ghosting over bare skin and sending electric thoughts through Yunho’s nervous system.

“You are the only light I see. The only air I can stand to breathe, the only water I can ever drink”. Clutching at his back, Jaejoong whispered “So do you understand what I mean when I say I need you? I need you to live. I need you to survive. And I need you to do this with me. Live with me. Survive with me. Please, Yunho. Even just for now”.

Drawing away from the older man for a moment, Yunho tangled his fingers into Jaejoong’s dyed hair.

“You fucking idiot,” he whispered, tears still streaming down his face, “Don’t you already know that I can only live where you are?”

Their kiss was slow. A slow simmering of lips and tongues, turned wet from the tears running down both of their faces. Cupping the back of Jaejoong’s head, Yunho angled his face so that he could feel the soft whispering sighs of need ghosting across his face. He felt soft hands rise up to his cheeks, Jaejoong’s fingers lightly tracing the jut of his cheekbones.

I need this, Yunho thought to himself, I need him so badly.   
The desire rose between them, Jaejoong gasping quiet pleas against Yunho’s mouth. His hands moved down from Yunho’s face to chart the strong muscles of Yunho’s back.  
Shuddering from the contact and from the feel of Jaejoong, Yunho broke away, gently resting his forehead against Jaejoong’s own. Jaejoong looked at him, face beautiful in anguish, his lips red from the kissing and his eyes watery from the tears.

“Please, Jae,” Yunho breathed, “please”.

They ended up back in the bedroom, Jaejoong’s hoodie unzipped and left in a corner, boots discarded next to the bed. Both naked to the waist, their hands roamed while their lips sipped at one another, drinking the comfort from each other’s mouths. Gasping, Yunho moved his hands to the band of Jaejoong’s jeans, fingers snapping the button open and plucking the zipper down. He reached down and cupped Jaejoong in his hand, feeling him grow larger at his touch. A soft whimper of need urged Yunho to continue and he worked his hand up and down, bringing the older man to a peak.

Jaejoong slid his eyes shut and tilted his head back, exposing the long pale column of his neck. Moving his lips down, Yunho licked at the soft skin there.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered into Jaejoong’s skin. “So beautiful.” Squeezing his own eyes shut, Yunho held back a sob. “I can’t do this without you, baby. I don’t want to do this without you. I need you so badly.”

“Then take me.” Jaejoong’s faint whisper seemed to expand to fill the space around them. “Take me, Yunnie. Do this with me. Cause you know I can’t do it without you.”

They fell into each other with an easy, practiced grace. Yunho moved above Jaejoong, filling him with a heat that threatened to consume his insides and melt the ice that seemed to have taken up residence in his soul. Bending his head forward until it grazed Jaejoong’s damp shoulder, Yunho felt an electric surge work through his spine, connecting his dreams, fulfilling his wants.   
“Jae..jae…”. His voice came out in muted pants and murmurs that matched the fluid motion of his body.

Reaching to twine his fingers with the man moving inside him, Jaejoong smiled at him and said “I know, baby. I know.”

The joined coursing of their bodies came to a shuddering end with Jaejoong convulsing in Yunho’s embrace and Yunho following him soon after, filling his lover with all that he had to give.

Gasping, they lay against one another, mouths connected, Yunho swallowing Jaejoong’s desperate and ragged sobs.

“I’m sorry, Yunnie” he wept. His entire body shook with the power of his cries, a tiny earthquake rumbling in Yunho’s arms. “I am so sorry. I need you, oh I need you so badly.”

Sweeping Jaejoong’s sweat dampened hair out of his forever too large eyes, Yunho traced the outline of his lover’s soft mouth.

“It’s okay,” he whispered as he looked gently at Jaejoong’s face, “It’s alright. I’m here now. And I have you. You have me. We are all that we will ever really need.”


End file.
